Why cold-approach?

Today I’m copying another old post from advice to a guy on the boards for the 30/30 club on getting through some of the challenges of doing the exercises.

Personally I think of attracting girls as an art. Sometimes I think of it like sport or something between, like partner dancing. In any case, like art, music, sport, and so on, mastery takes discipline. You have to master the fundamentals — footwork, scales, sprints, etc — to do the fancy stuff. The reward for the discipline and practice is effortless attraction — freedom to do what you want how you want and finding girls love you for it.

Frankly, I don’t know what any man could want more than to be himself without reservation and have girls pursue him for it. I suspect men who pursue money, power, fame, and status only want those things as a means to that end. If you ask me, you might as well just get the freedom and girls without the middle steps.

I look at cold approaching and the other 30/30 exercises like learning any major life skill, like playing a sport, learning to dance, to play music, etc.

In sports you have to run drills. You have to run sprints, sometimes in the rain, sometimes when you don’t think you have it in you. You can skip those things, but in sports you compete, so if you skip them you’ll lose.

In dance, you have to learn your footwork, you have to learn what’s in the music.

To play music, you have to play scales. A lot of them. No matter how methodical, repetitive, and the opposite of playing music scales may seem, only by playing enough of them do you learn to play music. Even then you play etudes and simple pieces before the major pieces.

My natural friend who is learning acting said it well “You show me the best actor in a group and I’ll show you the one who works the hardest.” I agree completely.

Usually developing skills — scales, sprints, footwork, cold approaches, etc — takes time and doesn’t feel fun in the moment, but it enables much more fun, satisfaction, achievement, and much deeper and higher levels of reward later. As in the kind of feelings that life is about. Anyone can stop at any moment, rest on their laurels, and enjoy the fruits of their labors.

For me, I knew if I didn’t reach the level of mastery I have I would always look at others with skills I could have had and realize my missed potential. I still know always developing myself more and in new directions improves my life, so I do. I also have role models like Brad who developed himself to a level beyond me, which motivates me to continue more and more.

Discovering the limits of your potential isn’t for everyone. Not everyone likes running sprints in the rain. You have to figure out what improves you whether you like it or not. Personally, I recommend being aware of what level is right for you (only you can know for yourself) and achieving it quickly and efficiently. Then you have the freedom to push any time you want to advance more or relaxing if you want to enjoy yourself.

LR: Three lays in 24 hours, a 4th in my bed in 30

Here’s a post from during my 30/30 experience. When you join 30/30 you get access to posts like it from other guys learning like you. Some of the timing might not make sense since I wrote it about six months ago and edited some now. Anyway, it took place in one of my favorite cities — Shanghai. The turnaround with Girl 3 amazed me. I didn’t expect it could have happened.

I cold approached girls a lot, but all of these were set up earlier. They worked based on handling logistics and leading the interactions. A big part of logistics was keeping my hotel room clean — no extra toothbrushes lying around, no condom wrappers, etc.

Girl 1: fast turnaround

I met Girl 1 online from a previous visit. I was meeting her at 4 and another girl at 8:30 so I didn’t have much time. We’d kept in touch by email. She suggested meeting at a bar/restaurant. I got there late. She was later. Worse — she was chubby. At first I thought “This sucks, I’m not interested.” But she wasn’t embarrassingly chubby, her breasts looked nice, time was short, and I could tell it would happen.

How could I tell? When she arrived, I did the usual kiss on each cheek. Chinese apparently don’t usually do that, so when she pulled away to prevent it, I firmly held her head so it would happen and she complied. That compliance — in the first thirty seconds of seeing each other — implied the level of compliance she liked.

I had seated us at the bar. I hadn’t eaten anything all day, so I had lunch. From the start I was physically interacting, moving her chair closer to mine, touching her legs, etc. Eventually she was leaning toward me, pressing her legs against mine. I put her hands on my legs a few times and she kept them there. I also talked about some great travel pictures she was interested in on my computer back at the hotel.

After I finished eating, we took the subway back to my hotel. Once in the room, I just threw her on the bed and the rest was textbook.

I still had to move her out and clean my room completely since I had to meet the next girl so soon. I walked Girl 1 to the subway. I even brought the foil condom wrapper to throw out outside the room since girls have ways of finding stuff like that in a small room.

Girl 2: a flame from before

Girl 2 was one of the girls I had sex on a previous visit. We’ve kept in touch. She’s fun. We met near my hotel. I arrived twenty minutes late because I got lost.

(I always think of the old phrase “A gentleman never keeps a lady waiting” when I’m late on my way to meet a girl. It’s total bullshit. I’ve never had problems when I show up late. I mean, they aren’t happy to have waited, but once you diffuse the annoyance, the problems end and I think they respect you more for not being their bitch).

Anyway, I had a business conference call at 10. I knew if we met at 8:30 she’d be fine to come to the hotel where I could do the call from my room. I was confident sex was a given, but having a reason for her to come over never hurts. The call ended up being over an hour. She waited while I talked. Afterward sex was a given. She slept over.

The next morning we took a ferry ride (cool almost-free touristy / date activity) to a restaurant that happened to be right next to where I met Girl 1. I had to get rid of her toothbrush without calling attention to getting rid of it. A small challenge, but details count. Then had a great idea, which was to pack mine instead of hers, so I wouldn’t alert her that I was hiding toothbrushes and the next girl wouldn’t see two. A detail, but I felt proud of thinking of the solution.

I noticed she was texting someone with a western name. She let me see the text thread. OMG, this guy was a total orbiter, texting her four or five times at a stretch, supplicating. He’s been trying to meet her with no luck and here I wander in and I get whatever time I want with her (I was meeting her later that visit again). I had such fun joking with her about him. She’s also in touch with some personal trainer guy who is in Canada now. So she’s totally into Western guys. A lot of that around here.

Girl 3: amazing turnaround

On my way to meet Girl 3 the skies opened up in a torrential downpour, I got lost, and she gave bad directions to meet her. As a result, I showed up almost thirty minutes late, drenched, to a place she wasn’t. I borrowed a phone to call from the museum counter and got busy signals twice and they were acting unhelpful. So I went in the museum to find someone with a phone.

I stopped some woman — a very attractive, 5’10” Lithuanian blond — who helped a lot. She let me use her phone, showed me her map where I maybe should have gone. Anyway when I reached my girl on the phone, she was pissed, talking about how she waited in the rain, blah blah blah, and just left in a taxi to go home. I tried to get her from complaining to figuring out if we should meet. Finally, on her own she told her taxi to come to the museum.

She arrived in front of the museum, didn’t get out of her taxi, and called me on Lithuanian girl’s phone. She wanted me to get in the taxi. Unfortunately I had to say bye to the hot, super-nice Lithuanian. Oh well.

I get in — just two seconds in the rain drenched me again — and she says “Where should we go?” I’m thinking it’s not my city, I don’t know where to go if we’re leaving a perfectly good museum without visiting it. The only thing I can think is my hotel, so I say my hotel. She says fine, which surprised me, but she probably thought we’d go to the bar and everything was hectic. An accidental step in the right direction.

But I don’t know the address, only how to get there from the subway. The cab ride consists of her trying to rail on me for not meeting on time, at the right place, having no phone, no map, no anything. She’s talking like I’m an idiot, but every tenth comment she has the presence of mind to say she understands the rain and circumstances and she’s not so much mad at me as just mad. I keep thinking it’s not worth it, I’ll just get out of the cab, but then I realize the cab is heading to my hotel with a girl and it’s raining so why get out? So I keep quiet. I hold her hand at one point to reassure her. She said she didn’t like it but didn’t pull away. When girls’ behavior conflicts with what they say, always go with the behavior.

Eventually we get to my hotel room. I realized when I got there that the pendant of my necklace fell off in the ordeal. It meant a lot to me so even now it sucks I lost it, but accidents happen. Anyway, when she saw my loss she started to shut the fuck up with all the complaining.

Anyway, after she and I both worked on our computers for a bit on the hotel bed, I just pulled her over, started kissing her, she kissed back and we had sex. In the moment it was no big deal, but looking back, I’m amazed she went from pissed off, drenched, waiting thirty minutes for me to spreading her legs and asking me to fuck her harder. We also took a fun shower together after. She has good hands.

It turns out she’s still crazy. The sex was part hot and part boring, which made it interesting. After she started complaining about how she gets depressed after sex and asking question after question about why I had sex with her, how many partners I’d had, etc. Eventually I told her since every question led to another I wouldn’t answer any, but she was free to tell me interesting things. And when she complained I just acted bored, yawned, took away attention. Eventually she got the idea, but never fully.

I doubt I’ll see her again. I only like sane women. [Note from today: I saw her again on a later trip and had simultaneous orgasms, which I normally expect only when I have a great connection. Still fun.]

Girl 4: a make out with my 10 from a previous trip

Shortly after walking Girl 3 to the subway (and making sure she got on and didn’t follow me back, also throwing away condom wrapper outside hotel room), I was scheduled to meet a 10 from an earlier trip. We have the tightest bond. I went to pick her up from her bellydancing class, which I videoed some of.

For a sure thing lay, I would have taken her straight to my hotel. I had a gallery opening I was obliged to go to since I knew the curator and was invited to a swank rooftop hotel bar afterward. We went to both of those things.

She and I have mutual professional contacts so we’re keeping our fling secret. Midway through our date her boss called to tell her to email me to arrange a business meeting for lunch with all three of us the next day, not knowing she was standing next to me. That made our rendez-vous seem more illicit and therefore more fun.

Anyway, after the rooftop, we came back to my hotel, made out, and took pictures of her naked, but she was nervous about needing time to choreograph a big dance performance the next day and get pretty serious about no sex then. We were seeing each other the next night, so I didn’t push.

So I just missed four girls in about 30 hours, which would have been some kind of record for me. I wrote a lot of this write-up with Girl 2 is in my bed. At the time I noted “I may be meeting another girl tomorrow morning. Tomorrow around lunch I’m seeing a girl I cold-approached in the subway who happens to work at a super-swank hotel around the corner from mine. I doubt I’ll try to pull since I’m tired and stressed from all the logistics, but you never know. Tomorrow dinner I’m meeting Girl 4. One or two other cold approach connections floating around, but no time. I’m leaving the day after tomorrow.”

Follow-up after returning home

To follow up, I met Girl 4 again the night before I left and slept with her. She has an amazing body. At first I said I was going to take pictures of her — I think when she was going down on me, but possibly another time. She said no pictures. Not long later I told her I was so enthralled by how hot she looked I couldn’t help taking pictures, acting like I couldn’t hold myself back. After I took one picture and showed it to her, she did what nearly any girl does when a camera is on her — she started posing. Also, when I was doing video of her hand stroking me I held the camera so she could watch what I was recording, which got her more into it.

I find that works with most girls — if you just take a picture or two and show them to her, she starts liking being in the pictures, no matter how much she declines at first.

The girl I met the following morning… we kissed a bunch in public, which in China seems a big deal. Walking around with her, since I mainly stick to the downtown westerner areas and I’m taller and whiter than the Shanghai population, I started wondering the odds of running into one of the five or six girls I’ve kissed or more. I think the place may be more like a small town for me in that regard.

Finally, at a gallery opening with a friend, I got invited to a swank dinner at a swank restaurant with stunning views of the riverfront (“the Bund”) and people in the art crowd. Having beautiful women on your arm giving you all their attention gets you invited places.

Chris Rock on girls getting you angry

Two posts ago I wrote about how not to let girls get you angry.

This bit by Chris Rock, besides being incredibly funny and insightful, illustrates what happens when you get caught in a situation when you feel like a girl is antagonizing you.

Enjoy the whole video, but today pay attention to this part:

Another thing fellas, DON’T ARGUE. YOU CANNOT WIN. You cannot beat a woman in an argument. It’s impossible. You will not win [applause, maybe a bit more from women]. Because men, we are handicapped when it comes to arguing. ‘Cause we have a need to MAKE SENSE! [bigger applause, more men than women].

Women ain’t gonna let a little thing like sense fuck up they argument. Cause she’s not in it for sense, she in it for distance and irritation: “How long can I pump before this mother fucker snaps?”

I think understanding the girls perspective helps you keep calm and achieve your goals.

Now I don’t know what it’s like to be a girl. I don’t know exactly what goes in inside their adorable heads when we argue. I know as I guy I usually try to figure out the problem and solve it. Whatever girls do think, they don’t do that. Do they think what Chris Rock says they do — “she’s not in it for sense, she in it for distance and irritation. How long can I pump before this mother fucker snaps?” I don’t know, but he’s pretty close to my working model for what they’re doing.

They want to know if you lose your shit. If you don’t lose your shit before they exhaust their ability to push you, they’ll feel attracted. If you lose your shit first, she’ll lose attraction, possibly irrevocably if you lose it enough.

If you try to win the argument, you’ll lose the interaction and possibly the girl.  Recognize there is a whole new set of skills in avoiding feeling you need to be right and acknowledging her without giving in. I’ll get into that later (see a later post called “Hug her until she shuts up”). For now we’ll start with awareness and the advice from two posts ago to view her as adorable more than as a debate partner.

If you want to sleep alone, go ahead and win your argument, prove she’s wrong, and lose your shit.

If you want to attract a girl, make your goal not to snap, not to be right. Ability to manage your emotions opens girls’ legs more than rational debate ever will.

Why I chose 30/30

I had been in the New York community of guys learning to attract girls for maybe three or three and a half years by the time I’d heard about Brad P’s 30/30 club. I had even gotten good enough that several guys regularly came to me for dating advice. Or to go out with since they knew going out with me would get them laid. They liked that I would approach groups of girls and pass off ones I wasn’t interested in to whatever guys were with me.

I also got pretty good with girls. I had even assisted friends who were coaches at a couple of the top pick-up schools. I was dating a girl I met on a cold-approach pickup on the street in the rain and ended up in bed with her within an hour. I was dating a couple other girls too.

I was proud of the abilities I had developed. They had come from hard work and putting myself on the line. Most guys don’t risk their identities and allow themselves to reveal their vulnerabilities. When you do you risk getting hurt. But how else do you learn?

For all I had learned I have to admit I was losing the main girl I was dating as well as the others. And I hadn’t been practicing. I had rested on my laurels long enough to lose my skills. I thought with a less-than-an-hour pick-up that led to a nine month, super-fun relationship, I’m pretty good at this. I don’t have to keep practicing.

Looking back now, I realize, like any skill, I needed to keep up practicing.

Then I saw Brad and Glenn, his top New York coach, present their program at a dating conference. I hadn’t heard about it before. If you’re reading this blog, you probably know all about their program. It fit perfectly with what I wanted.

• It had structure. I knew my main need was to keep approaching. Even if it didn’t give useful advice, I knew just consistently approaching would keep my skills up.
• It was long-term. I didn’t think a weekend program would make what I learned stick like I wanted it too. I didn’t want just a short-term boost. I wanted to change my life.
• It didn’t cost much. I didn’t want to risk money on something I didn’t know much about.

While they presented I started thinking about doing the program. But I was worried about what my friends in the audience would think. I thought I was so good. Would they see my signing up as a sign of insecurity? I was scared what others would think of me — exactly what I had gotten over earlier to improve in the first place. I knew I had to get over it again.

At the end of the presentation, when Brad asked whoever was interested to raise their hands, I knew the right choice for me — I wanted to keep learning. I hadn’t reached my potential. I raised mine and signed up. I knew I already knew the first few months’ material. I think Drew, who works with Brad and signs people up, even gave me the chance to start in a later month. But remember, I wanted structure and long term. I didn’t mind reviewing material I knew if it kept me approaching.

The short story: I realized I made the right choice from the start and never looked back. I’ll write later about some of my 30/30 experiences.

Girls tell you what they want from you to have sex with them. You just have to listen.

How would you like a girl to tell you how she wants to be picked up? For her to tell you what turns her on and attracts her? What if I told you she was already doing it, but you were too busy watching yourself to realize it? Well, read on and I’ll show you how to change your perspective and have her roll out the red carpet for you to her bed.

This post’s point is so subtle almost no one gets it the first time I tell them. Then they realize how obvious it is even though they never noticed it before. Then they realize how to use it.

Most guys developing game learn a lot of general techniques, many of which work. I’m not commenting about them. Something a lot of guys don’t notice is that girls communicate to you what they want for you to have sex with them.

Does this sound crazy?

The community writes so much about bitch shields and congruence tests, it seems to teach us they work against us all the time.

On the contrary, it’s all in how you look at it. When you change how you look at it, things start opening up. You start realizing how they want to make sure you’re someone they want inside them, then showing you how to make that happen. When you know how to read it, your interactions tend to look and feel more like flirting than competitions where you’re trying to overcome their defenses.

Getting this perspective can come with practice, although some guys never get it.

So let’s get this perspective.

First consider your own behavior. Do you ever do something intending to make your life worse? Sure, you may inadvertently mess something up, but you never intentionally mess up your life. In fact, you probably your waking hours to make your life as good as you can. Even sitting around lazily doing nothing counts because you’re trying to conserve your energy, not risk doing something you might not enjoy. You think you’ve done something contrary to this? Every guy, especially analytical ones like me, has his counterexample of where he’s so sure he did something to make his life worse. I’ve heard them all. And in all cases, in the moment they act, everyone believes they are doing what’s best for themselves. You too.

Next, what do you like more than sex with someone you really want to have sex with? I’m sure you have a few things, but sex ranks high if you’re like most people.

So combining these two answers, we can see when you see the opportunity for sex with someone you want to have sex with, you’ll act to make it happen. You’ll never act to prevent sex with someone you want when you think it’s possible. That’s the main part of the perspective, for yourself. The rest of it is applying the same to girls’ perspective.

Girls are the same way!

Girls also always act to make their lives as good as possible and they like sex with someone they want to have sex with more than nearly everything. Therefore, like guys, girls are always acting to make sex with someone they want happen and never acting to prevent it. First they want to know if you’re someone they want sex with. The more they sense they want sex with you, the more they communicate what to do to make it happen.

What some people call bitch shields are girls communicating they want to know more about you. What people call congruence tests are girls saying they want to know more about you. Without this perspective, you might think they’re pushing you away. With this perspective, you become like a girl whisperer. The more you understand what they are communicating, the more you know how to behave attractively to them.

What if she doesn’t want to have sex with you?

“Well, Doctor,” you may be thinking. “You’re saying this works if she wants to have sex with you. What if she doesn’t?”

The perspective still holds. If she doesn’t like your identity or game, she’ll communicate to move away from her. You may have lost your chances with her this time, but she’s still communicating something she doesn’t want — something in your identity. Rest assured, she still wants sex. You’ve refined a bit of what she wants.

How does this perspective help if she doesn’t want sex with you? If you’re gaming her in a venue you may have lost your chances with her then and there, so it may not help you get laid with her. But it will help you remain calm and keep up your motivation for the rest of the night. She’s done you a favor telling you that you need a different identity for her to open her legs for you.

If you’re great at projecting a different identity fast, you might be able to get back in it with her.

How to use this perspective

First, try out the perspective above. If you can fit it into your belief system, the rest will fall into place more.

Then, assume everything she says and does is congruent with her wanting a certain type of man, or types of men, in bed with her. You’ll start to interpret everything as inviting those types, nothing as repelling them.

Then, start paying attention and listening as much as you can. If you get the perspective you’ll start doing this anyway because you’ll be more interested in what she is interested in more than just running basic game on her.

See if you can show the sides of you she’s attracted to. This does not mean supplicating. Asking her what she’s attracted to won’t get you nearly the information as observing her behavior and testing what she responds to with different approaches — ping her with touching and see how she responds; also with humor, storytelling, etc.

Some people call this calibration. I think of it as honing in, based on her communicating what turns her on.

What this looks like from a girl’s perspective

A girl will read you as a guy who doesn’t get dissuaded by her annoyances (she knows when she’s being annoying), which she’ll read as inner confidence.

She will think of you as someone who gets more and more attractive the more she gets to know you. Remember, since girls aren’t as attracted by appearance as much as we are, they don’t know how attractive they find you until they observe your behavior more.

How girls behave when you practice this

This is the most important part of this post.

She’ll start picking up that every time she shares something she likes she gets rewarded with what she likes. She will learn to share more. You will get a girl who shares more and more of what she likes, meaning she’ll get more and more turned on by you.

What could you want more than a girl laying out a red carpet for you for how to attract her and turn her on?

How not to let a girl get you angry

If you lose your cool because of something a girl did, you’ve lost that girl forever. Whether she’s with you for a one night stand or the rest of her life, a girl wants to feel secure with a man. Every girl wants a man who can handle more than she can. A man who loses his shit because of her means he can’t even handle what she can, let alone more, and she’ll see him as a liability.

Most of why girls test guys is to figure out if he can handle more than she can. The more he does, the more attractive she’ll find him. That’s why girls who test you like crazy seem to go from insane bitch to jumping your bones in an instant — after giving you everything she had she found out she can be secure with you. Now she wants to let go of the inhibitions protecting her from a guy who loses his shit with her.

Today’s post is a copy of advice to a guy on the 30/30 club talking about how girls get him angry. I gave him some advice on how to keep his cool with girls.

Some inner game comments:

[quoting him] “girl don’t let me advance in any way”

I wouldn’t think of it as her letting you do things. You’re letting her get access to a better guy than she can normally find. If she is making out with you but stopping there, think of how you can increase the attraction, like by leading and being dominant.

[quoting him] “only make out… fuck you bitch!” … “the other day i even get mad because this annoying girl wasn’t wanting to go home with me”

Blaming her or getting angry will probably not help your game, even if you think you aren’t showing it. I wouldn’t think she wants to tease me and is getting away with it. She wants what every girl wants more than anything else, which is to be taken by a man she is crazy about. Being reactive or showing intense emotions over her playing games or losing your shit, however much you think you’re keeping it inside, will cause her to lose attraction. If she has something inside that will absolutely keep her from sex, well then that was there before she saw you and maybe there’s nothing you can do about it. There are a million reasons she can’t do anything. She could have crabs and be doing you a favor for all you know.

My go-to inner game perspective about girls trying to lead the interaction or to get me to react is that she’s adorable. I’ll think she’s adorable, tell her she’s adorable, and treat her like she’s adorable. Girls don’t usually mind being called adorable because it sounds attractive, but it’s also diminutive, which puts you in charge.

Here’s my map of old thoughts that didn’t help my game much or hurt it to new thoughts that helped more

Old thought: “Fuck you bitch”
New thought: “she’s adorable”

Old thought: “She won’t let me do anything more”
New thought: “she’s adorable”

Old thought: “I will defeat her in an argument”
New thought: “she’s adorable”

Old thought: “She’s annoying”
New thought: “she’s adorable”

The Doctor's origins

True to my geeky nature, I have my origins story. Is it safe to assume we all know basic comic book lingo?

Anyway, here is the short version of the development of my game from tragedy to coach.

My first girlfriend

It began with a disaster that for twenty years I considered a triumph: my first girlfriend. In high school I was nerdy — not a loser, I had friends, but occasionally picked on. In junior year I befriended a girl. She was more popular, but I didn’t really notice because we mostly interacted by phone. We were best friends for over a year. Somewhere along the line I fell for her. Then she did for me. By senior prom we were together. Since we knew each other by mostly by phone, most of our classmates didn’t know we knew each other and I didn’t know how many guys thought of her as one of the most desirable girls in school.

Then the school found out she fell for me. Between senior prom and graduation people were shocked and amazed she fell for me and people held me in high regard, retroactively making all of high school a great experience.

Tragic lesson learned

I learned (here’s the triumph part) I could get any girl I wanted (here’s the tragedy part), I only had to befriend her for a year and a half first.

To those who know, like me now, being friends with a girl for a year and a half is a disastrous strategy for attracting a girl. The lesson to befriend them made sense at the time, but now I see it as a way to make yourself appear asexual to that girl.

Let's just be friends -- how to have girls see you as asexual

Tragic lesson acted on

So began my two-decade strategy to befriend girls to win them over. For the next roughly twenty years I considered myself successful with girls because I had attractive women around me. I just didn’t have sex with them. Needless to say, I now see this outcome as the pinnacle of lack of success with women. I was always waiting for them to finish with their latest boyfriend to realize how perfect I was for them.

Thus I had multiple year-plus dry spells without sex while having plenty of attractive girls as friends. But people liked having me around, especially guys because they met beautiful girls through me that weren’t interested in me.

I had a couple good relationships in there. Well, one really, but it resulted in my heart getting broken.

Until I found out you can learn attraction in 2007, which changed it all and led me to having sex regularly and girls pursuing me. And getting coached, which put that process into overdrive, speeding up the process and bringing me to levels I couldn’t have reached on my own.

My current girl situation

I thought I’d describe how my life with girls goes by describing right now. It’s not typical, but whatever, it’s real. The main point is that when you can attract girls when you want, your life becomes easy. You don’t have to worry about what most guys worry about — am I worthy?  Will I ever get a girl? What should I say to her?

As I write these words I’m on a subway in Shanghai on a consulting project. About six months ago was the time I bedded four girls in just over 24 hours (I’ll post on it soon). After an experience like that, I feel like I tamed Shanghai and don’t feel like I have to pursue lots of girls.

Three of those four girls I keep in touch with. One just moved in with her boyfriend and isn’t up for me on the side. Another is coming over Saturday — she made it clear for sex. The last — the insanely hot dancer — works with the company paying for this visit. We are having an awesome secret affair. I get her excited through lots of furtive touching under the desk, groping when no one is looking, and such. When she starts to reciprocate I pace her by saying I don’t want her to risk her job and stop her (always be the one pacing escalations). Then when no on is looking I escalate again. By the end of the day she’s going wild and we make out on the street walking home.

Last weekend I visited this beautiful 23-year-old girl I met on a vacation tour. We spent half our waking time in bed, the other half exploring Singapore, where she lives now. I can’t tell you how much fun we had together.

My pickup style with her was one I use with most — a lot of helping her improve her life. As an older guy, I have more experience than she does. As a girl, she likes me helping her discover life and explore her boundaries. It’s vaguely like a professor-student relationship. I like it. A lot of guys try to make girls dependent on them. I do the opposite — I help them become more independent. In a way that might seem weird if you don’t get it, it makes them more loyal. Making someone dependent comes from and implies insecurity. Giving independence signals independence of outcome.

Last night I went on a date with a girl that found me on OkCupid. She was chubby but cool — possibly with some good connections in the city. I told her I liked her and kissed her, but I don’t see much coming of it. Still, of all the ways I’ve found of getting to know a city, meeting girls tops the list. When you have a girl to explore with, everything is more fun. People that meet you assume the best of a guy with a girl on his arm — much better than if they meet you as a single guy.

I stopped over Seoul on the way here, where some friends invited me to give a couple consulting talks (not on attraction or girls, I do business consulting too) and went out with them. One approached some American girl who had a friend. I approached the friend to wing him and let him connect with his girl. My girl really liked me. I kind of wanted to show my friend what developing attraction skills can give you, since he’s never gotten coaching, so I started making out with my girl, maybe four or five minutes after meeting. Turns out my girl was an 18 year old virgin who totally digs older guys (her eyes lit up when I told her I was 40). We had a great time making out. I didn’t pursue anything more but we had a nice connection.

I have a couple girls back home, but distance and time away make maintaining those relationships harder. Still, I keep in touch with them as best I can, which the internet helps with.

I haven’t gone out seriously sarging in a while. Having lots of girls in your life makes it unnecessary to pick up girls non-stop (which tends to make approaches less needy and therefore more effective). As an older guy, my libido isn’t what it once was and I tend to go for depth and exploring girls over time than sheer numbers.

Like I said, it’s not a typical vignette of my life, but the big picture is right: a few steady girls, a few girls entering, a few girls moving on, and calmness internally because I have the skills to make my girl life work.