Hug her until she shuts up

[Another of my favorite posts to the 30/30 club. Join there or get Brad P coaching for more advice, especially if you want coaching personalized for you.]

I was talking to a guy who’s kind of into pick-up about handling girls when you get into arguments. My usual strategy is to avoid talking too much logic and to hug them. My problem is I keep letting myself getting too engaged in the back-and-forth talking.

I told him about the other night when a girl I’ve been seeing was questioning what we were about and other relationship talk I knew wasn’t making much logical sense. I could tell our expectations were misaligned. Explaining didn’t help. Finally I said to him what worked and what I think is great advice:

Hug her until she shuts up.

Superficially it may sound rude, but the more I think of it, the more it makes sense. It’s a challenge to hug a girl in the middle of a logical conversation and hold it while she gets out the frustrations of being locked into that logic and gets into feeling your caring emotion.

Of course, you have to apply it intelligently, not blindly, but I’m going to be following my own advice until it breaks. You certainly don’t want to reward her complaining, so I wouldn’t start the hug until she moves in a productive direction. Now that I think of it, with the girl that night I asked her, “Do you want to work things out here?” She said yes. That’s when I put out my hand, said come here, hugged her, and she climbed into bed with me.

Hug her until she shuts up.

Guy tested, female approved

I’ve shared this advice with girls, overtly telling them I plan to hug them until they shut up when there are problems, and they’ve told me it’s good advice. Not what I expected, but a pleasant surprise.

Below is a recent chat about it. Of course, there’s always the caveat that girls advice about how to behave with girls isn’t helpful, so you have to interpret things for yourself. In any case, it makes for a fun and playful conversation.

me: I could use a female opinion
her: ?
me: I gave a guy friend some advice recently that I think is useful for guys, but I’m not sure how girls would like it if they heard it.
her: what was it
me: I think it’s good advice but I simplified it so it might not sound good.
her: and why should you care what girls would think, its advice meant for a boy right?
me: The overall advice is that when a girl has a problem a lot of times the emotional content is more important than the details.
me: So when you listen you have to listen less to the words and more to how she’s saying them — relative to a man.
her: hmmmm
me: Actually, that’s not the advice, I’m still getting to it. Along with listening to the emotional content you have to respond with emotion too.
me: So the advice, in simplified form, is “hug her until she shuts up.”
her: lol
her: works with many women
me: Crazy!
me: When you say it works, do you mean you would recommend it? Or does it miss anything important?
me: I mean, obviously no advice is perfect for all situations
her: i would recommend it

Why you benefit from approaching many girls (and girls do too)

Girls don’t get this, but they should. It benefits them in the long run if they don’t like guys evaluating them only by their looks. Approaching and meeting girls is the best way I know of to find meaningful connections.

In a room of many girls, different ones will like you different amounts. You’ll like them different amounts. Among all the possible pairings with you, some would result in relationships amazing and rewarding to both parties — whether the relationship lasts a lifetime, quick passionate spontaneous bathroom sex, or something in between.

The only way I know to find out how you and a girl would get along is to meet her and get to know her. Anything less and all you have to go on is her looks and some of her behavior viewed from afar.

Approaching many girls lets you find out with whom you should spend your time and with whom you should not waste it. If you only talk to one or two girls, how do you know?

When guys I coach get used to approaching a lot, they start finding amazingly easy lays. Some even complain (complain!) that some lays were too easy, like they just got lucky and didn’t use their skills. What an amazing thing to complain about! Who doesn’t want that problem?

Anyway, they hit this phenomenon because when they start approaching enough, they discover a lot of amazing mutual attraction — girls who find them the man of their dreams and vice versa. Pairings like that were always there, they just never found them because they weren’t approaching and getting to know the girls.

Since many girls get turned on by being approached, often the approach is enough to make you the man of her dreams.

Approach girls. Learn to do it well.

Why girls don't want you to approach lots of girls — and why you should

Girls put down men who approach lots of girls for doing so. They’d have you believe there was something wrong with the practice and something wrong with you for doing it.

They’re looking after their interests, not yours. They realize it takes away their power and gives it to you.

Imagine you’re in a social situation with an equal male-female ratio. If every guy approaches one girl, some girls will get approached a few times. Those girls will get to choose among their various courters. She can pick her favorite and be done, tough luck to the others. Even more enticing to her, she can say to each “I like you, but you aren’t the only one. What more can you do to woo me?”

Since each guy has no alternative, he has to compete for her attention.

Now imagine each guy approaches five or ten girls in this situation. The situation changes. In particular, the guys have a choice of girls. Any girl that plays the guys off against each other risks him declining her demand and choosing another girl.

See how she loses power? And, of course, each girl thinks of herself as one of the girls with several courters (strange how girls never think of themselves as the lonely girl with no courters).

You know the feeling you get in your gut when something you had locked up you suddenly find you have to compete for? They get that feeling. They may not be aware of it since it’s so powerful she may react before she senses it. But they feel it.

That’s the basics of why girls don’t want you approaching many girls. And why you should.

Next week I’ll talk more about the benefits to you of approaching many girls.